Themoderncharm

The rigid truth of hypocritical racism. When you start to see your own color as lesser than you. A sad but true feeling of disgust to your own background starts to form. The reason I feel this way? It’s just merely an emotion caused by our famous 2016 elections. Darn that year and all of it’s madness. I couldn’t have felt more mentally abused by the direct verbal hit from a man with a wig. How did I feel so vulnerable? To have have let him inside my soul, and tear it apart? I too was a victim of looking more in the mirror with insecurity because of him.

I didn’t understand it at first, but what I saw was how the separation of my mind and my heart made me colder by the day. In turn the determination to withstand verbal and telepathic abuse from others made me stronger by the day. ”Twas then I decided to show my fear the door.” was the thought rushing to me these passed days. So I grew the courage to express my thoughts on my most intimate inner emotions, caused by a mere public figure. Will this overthinking ever discontinue? I’m afraid and saddened to say, that the answer to that is no. The struggle will always continue. However, I will in turn grow stronger by the day. The days to come await me and my courage will help me get through. The day will come for all to see that I too, was struck silently by a man once again. However not the great sensual seduction we typically wish to endure. This time it was political seduction. He will look for ways to control the population, and kill us. This man made me hate that I am a twenty something year old Hispanic/American female.

And so my story begins. I was born Colombian, and I arrived to America at the innocent age of two. My mother married on a dating website; American Men meet Colombian woman. His name is Randy Ward and was living in Tulsa, Oklahoma when he married my mother. You should google him, he’s a motivational public speaker and talks a lot about the oil industry and real estate. My mom said she saw his face in the book they provide for the online daters. She knew he was the one she could potentially fall in love with. Being that he was the most good looking white man she had ever seen. It was his eyes she said. She worked as a dental assistant and pretended like she was sick at work. She wanted to hurry up to meet him and intterupt what he was doing before he went on a date with another girl he had chosen from that crazy book of faces and potential promises. My mother begged and begged the receptionist at the hotel he was staying at to call him and tell him she had seen him and is waiting for him in the lobby. The receptionist wouldn´t budge at first. Eventually the girl grew tired and she decided to call Randy´s room. Randy grew intrigued and told the girl at the front desk to cancel his prior arrangements with the other girl. He’d much rather meet someone who wants to meet him already, especially if that person went out of their way to beg the front desk girl  more than three times to just call him. He told her he was glad he canceled with the other girl. My mother instantly became precious to him. I’m sure he was in awe when he met my beautiful mom. The icing on the cake was when they both found out they have the same exact birthday. June 12th. I’m not sure if the idea that having the same birthday somehow makes you compatible with someone. Maybe its the idea that it was destiny or that somehow because you have the same birthday you might be alike. She and I moved in with him, I will never forget those mornings in Randy´s ranch home eating bagels and peanut butter bread with the kitchen aroma smelling like French vanilla coffee  every single morning. I believe I was two or four years old at that time. And like many other immigrants chasing the American dream, she too had a dream of giving me a better future. Although her and Randy didn’t work out in the end, she remarried to William Miller; A semi truck, luxury car trasnporter from Tennessee. My mother has endured so much to give me the best opportunities that many of her peers growing up can only dream of having today and age. So much that she risked her calm and serene livelihood in the mountains of Colombia, to explore new territories. She sacrificed leaving her direct family behind without them knowing. Coming to this country only knowing spanish. My mother is the second born of eight children.  And she has the hard working mom mentality to a T. My little sister and I don’t share the same biological father, but we share the same father figure and mother of whom Delin and I both love so much. My sister and I have the most amazing bond, I’m so thankful for her to remind me not to worry so much. I hope other sisters have the beautiful sisterhood bond that I share with my sister. My sister is half American and half Colombian. I was born in Cali, Colmbia and raised in Florida, USA. And so I always think why are people so racist? It just reminds me that racism will have to kiss my toosh, because how can my little gringuita sis be racist of her own kind? Colombia is I think the most beautiful country in the world! But I can’t say that because I haven’t traveled all of the world yet but one day I will. My mother pushed the arts heavily on us growing up as well as sports. We’re both so thankful that she prioritized teaching us learning instruments and studying fine arts and music at such a young age. She also instilled god in us at a young age. Thanks to our mom both Delin and I have been musically and physically gifted. Our mother always tendered to our needs even if with foodstamps. Food was always on the table, sheets were always washed, we never threw food away, and we sustained many diplomas. She has her real estate license, and she has also earned her diploma as a nurse assistant here. In Colombia, she had worked for the Colombian embassy as well as a dental assistant. She is highly intelligent, loves school, and loves learning. And top of that she has outer and inner beauty. A true diamond in the rough.

This woman did what she could with what she had to make sure, we lived in laughter and in love.  And for that I will always be thankful to her and love her. She gave me life, and gave me an opportunity in this country. Whatever the stereotypes might be about Colombian woman, just know that the majority are good at keeping an organized and clean home. As any good mother in a Spanish or English community would. And so with this I hope to have explained to you that like my mother there are many women who have have brought their gifts to this country. It doesn’t matter what region of the globe you came from, we came as families to this country in sight of a better future.

We are the new Americanas.